xmas, love, and john cusack

saturday afternoon had me in consultation with my mother as she spent the day wrapping presents. my relationship with my mum is not dysfunctional. there's no drama there. she knows pretty much everything about me, from the extramarital sexcapades to the drugs i use occasionally, and all she's ever wanted was to make sure i remain safe and happy and cause no hurt to myself or my fellow man. she's my oldest advisor, and though i may not take her advice on any number of subjects... i will listen to her, and she will listen to me.

i was listening to john lennon singing, 'nobody told me there's be days like these. strange days indeed' and i thought... no... that's not true for me. my mom, in the way her life has manifested, has shown me in a hundred ways that life should never be static. anyone who is 'living in balance' runs a serious risk of missing a range of human experiance. those experiances outside the bubble, or the boxes of safety we create for ourselves.

this is not to say i live dangerously, far from it. i am tend to cautious, perhaps to the detriment of spontaneity.

this is to say, rather, i look (or attempt to look) for the extremes of feeling in any given situation. observe the minutia in human interaction and i find the highest compassion. see the things that our modern spectacles have made imperceptable and invisable.

spending part of my weekend with my blood family was good and a chance to heal recent wounds in myself... but still... it was hard for all of us, missing my ex, the one who i had led into my family.

dee brought home a couple of really sweet love stories yesterday, the surprisingly good 'forty year old virgin' and 'must love dogs'. two movies i am unfortunately feeling a great deal of commonality with...

...except for the falling in love fairy tale endings.