i almost

pulled out the ol' ?compare::contrast? this morning, for a number of reasons. one was i couldn't think of anything better to say, and the other is that i'm digging around for new/old material for my next creative endeavor.

the very real danger in all of this is getting caught up and rescreening of the trainwrecks. this is no fucking joke, and as serious as it gets. i know enough about myself to understand that it is impossible or nearly so for me to be dispassionate about damn near anything, much less my own foibles, history, and stories.

it is better to revisit something after some time has passed and the heat of the blade has dissipated out into the darkness. hit it sharp with the spotlight of today's energy and it looks haphazard and weak.

the key is to not look too closely.

fix my gaze upon those thoughts from so long ago, and they build and charge with newfound life, drawing the heat of life from my present and rebirthing all that tumult in a twitchy embryonic plasma that if left unchecked... grows larger than my ability to control.

the key is to glance.

...or perhaps take a page from the actors' set and look upon those events as from the balcony of the theater. the play unfolds before me and i am the critic of this poorly produced and haltingly executed performance...

idiot. its still the fucking trainwreck.

there's only one seat in the theater, and its front and center pal.

but then again... william james had this to say:

"The stream of thought flows on; but most of its segments fall into the bottomless abyss of oblivion. Of some, no memory survives the instant of their passage. Of others, it is confined to a few moments, hours or days. Others, again, leave vestiges which are indestructible, and by means of which they may be recalled as long as life endures."

hrmph.


better choices.



i'm not fished out, but warren makes better choices today.