blessed sleep

mournings. the dawn rolls up my dreams of her and lovers and joy pure laughter and wrestles it from my mind, bleeding away its vibrant colors and replacing it with the paint and glass and tree leaves and the textures of flannel sheets. peel my eyes open and find the alarm has been on for an hour and i am already late.

blessed sleep.

"Oh Dear God, Save me from myself. Allow me to curl under the weights and palpable stresses of this so-called reality and sleep."

(please)

she returns to me for a short time and holds my heart close, soothing away all my terrors. i am free. i am whole. i am a man, no... more...

i am a person.

unfortunately, again this bleeds away soon enough, leaving me to fumble for my man-shorts, a pair of differently sized socks, the denim of the working class, and my bright orange tee so as i won't be mistaken for fowl or beast and shot down on the the freeway. pick out the blood controlling drugs in the appropriate doses so i can walk down the stairs. a hat to control my wild hair, screw it on tight and keep my mind together. grab up my black bag of busy work. open the door and the world presses my face into the hard expressions of need and duty.

still, i miss her already.

who wouldn't?