breaking camp

yes, i realize i haven't filled in the middle yet, but these things come as they may. deal with it. maybe i'll edit it into a chronological manner someday...
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i rode my chopper home on monday after spending the temple burn with tam. upon awakening, her camp was busy with tear-down and i rather expected my campmates to be wondering where i was for assistance.

the ride across the playa was calm, quiet. plumes of smoke rising from the platforms as people burned out their camps. i found myself stopping every twenty yards or so to collect some bit of garbage; glowsticks, bottlecaps, bits of fibers, paper, handiwipes, and my third feather for the event. thirst, and drink deep from my camelback. the city is already breaking apart, the population down and the smoke everywhere signals that camps are gutting themselves. its a group seppuku. death is not imminent, but i feel it settling on the playa.

roll into camp and we are not all awake. i set to work at once.

still, its all about the piles. moving them, organizing them, turning them upside down, and cramming them into containers...

i don't want to talk about that though. what i want to talk about is what i was alluding to above.

after an hour and a half or so of dome-breaking and sorting and packing, i climbed the top of ian's rv to observe the exodus. its about 9:30 i suppose, maybe 10ish and the line of cars runs out to about 8:00 on the city map. i turn and face the sun.

heat. warmth. light. smoke. laughter. sirens. clanging of metal. hammers. dust.

tears.

my god.

again.

i look for my family. i see my camp below in progress of discession. i look across the city blocks and the astral vortex parachute is still standing. the other way, smoke rises from behind monkeypuzzle.

i think of who i did not see; those who i know were not here, those who were but never crossed paths. i think of the ones i did see from afar and could never get close enough, or were close enough but still so far away. it's heartbreak time, and not just for me. i've felt it and i've listened. its the break-up, the moving on, and feel it in me again. i miss all the hers and hims and who will always own a piece of me. again. still.

the sun is on my upturned face, its warm and i break sweat. i hum a bit and choke and sniffle and the tears all run freely down my face and chin and neck, and its not pain or anguish...

its gratitude.

my life with you. your time with me.

our time together.

thank you all.

my god. look what we've wrought.


[image from 2005]